This question comes from a great bible study group convo last night based on how we express love to people within the strictures of being non-consumed by material things. The Five Love Languages as identified by Gary Chapman are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Some of the girls in my bible study are hands down gift givers and receivers... they express and receive love through gifts, meaning that the perfect gift shows them (or is their expression of) that someone cares enough and knows them well enough to know exactly what would be meaningful to them. In this case, for example, quality time cannot replace the perfect gift, nor can an act of service. This is not a consumer choice, it's how God made them.
So, necessarily, discussions of how to most wisely use our monetary resources can be particularly difficult for gift-givers or receivers if the attitude of those around them is that their God-given makeup does not fit into the model of being not consumed by material things.
How do people who are gift-givers deal with this issue? AND, how can non-gift-givers be more sensitive to the needs of our gift-giving brothers/sisters?
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Our oldest son, Ben, is a gift giver, and it does present some interesting issues. For instance, he's always trying to give stuff to people. When he was younger, if a friend would come over to visit, it was not uncommon for them to leave with an armful of toys. It was awkward because he was really expressing love, but many times the friends' parents felt awkward with their kid taking so many toys (I also suspect people didn't want more junk in their houses). He would also get birthday money and want to give it to people as gifts -- really awkward! He's learned, over the years, that if he goes overboard on giving, then sometimes he regrets it. He still, though, gives stuff away all the time.
We've tried to emphasize giving gifts that they already own rather than buying new gifts. As a result, if he owns something that he knows a friend would like, then he'll give it as a gift at the point when he thinks his friends will get more enjoyment than him. We've also emphasized finding gifts that cost nothing -- writing stories about friends, inviting friends over for bon fires, movie nights, etc. And, we've tried to guide him towards small thoughtful gifts (a pack of gum for a friend for example).
It's funny because we have a box of toys and such in our closet that is all from Ben -- stuff he's given us when he's wanted to apologize for something. I'm certain I go through it and cry my eyes out when he leaves for college.
I am a gift giver by nature, and have struggled with that, feeling that it was my way of showing love to people. Then in times when i have not had the resources in which to give gifts, i feel as if i have neglected people. But what i have learned is that when i am in a way to financially help and bestow gifts on others, i can. But when i am not in a resourceful place, i need to realize that my time and conversation can be just as valuable to others. And then even when i do have resources, sometimes it is best for the other person to give non-physical gifts (conversation, time, attention) rather than things.
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